


Just Say The Word And I'll Be Yours, You Know I Never Forgot.

by RagingBookDragon



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Healing, Light Angst, M/M, Magic, More tags to follow, Recovered Memories, Recovering Memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29933895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RagingBookDragon/pseuds/RagingBookDragon
Summary: When the familiar ache of lost memories pull at the Apprentice, he'll have to finally face the truth that he must embark on his own journey without his beloved magician beside him, to discover them. There's enough danger leaving Asra behind, but what is he going to face when he walks in the Arcana's realms? A ghost of himself? Or the ghosts of his past? Either way, there's danger at every turn and all he can hope for is that he makes it back in time for the upcoming Masquerade. Then again, nothing's ever really gone to plan, has it?
Relationships: Apprentice & Asra (The Arcana), Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana), Asra (The Arcana) & Reader, Asra (The Arcana)/Reader
Kudos: 9





	1. The Hope And The Hurt Has Lived Inside Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I never wrote a note to this story until now! Uh...enjoy! -Thorne

He wasn’t one to ever keep secrets from Asra, not in a million years. Even as sure that in his previous life, he hadn’t kept any from the magician either. And yet, every time he felt that deep pull in his mind as deep as the current of the sea, like his memories were calling to him, he kept his mouth shut, framing a false smile on his lips, always quick to reassure Asra that he was fine. _Oh, but he knew he wasn’t_. Not by a longshot. Loathe as he was to admit it, he had to know what was calling out to him. _What from his past kept creeping back up on him? What did it want? And why?_ He had two options, tell Asra or commune with the cards—he chose the latter.

*******

(Y/N) never had to try to find the cards when he needed them; they were always there, like they knew he was calling for them. Had he not been attune to magic and the nature of the supernatural, it would’ve unnerved him. His fingers slid along the gold trimmed edges as he shuffled them expertly, sure not to wake the sleeping magician upstairs. When he was finished, he placed three cards before him and inhaled deeply, building up some semblance of courage as he flipped the first one.

_Strength. Reversed. Now is the time to reconnect to your core. Do not lose your confidence: you have power yet untold._

His lips pulled downwards as he thought about the voice coming from the card. _Yeah, but which core? My old one? Or this one?_ Sighing, he flipped the second card.

_The Fool. Reversed. Beware of acting rashly. Consider the consequences of your actions and tread lightly in the dark._

Another twitch of a frown came across his features. _You’re telling me of a journey and yet I’m not even sure where to start about this?_ He leaned back in his seat, eyes shifting outside the window beside the door. _Maybe I should try the Magician’s realm? They’re always welcoming to questions. In fact, questions are **all** they welcome. _He curled his fingers under his chin as he thought about it. The Magician was Asra’s patron Arcana, but they hadn’t talked about one for (Y/N), hell, he hadn’t even asked about it at any point. _Who was his patron Arcana? The one he knew in his past life._ (Y/N)’s fingers found the last card and flipped it, eyes widening at the revelation.

_Death. Upright._

Death’s voice, whenever (Y/N)’d heard it, had always been a low hiss, never above a whisper.

_You seek that which cannot be returned. Why?_

He sighed and narrowed his eyes as he thought back, _Because it’s calling to me and I don’t know what it wants._

_Is the answer you’re hoping for going to change you? A transition anew? You already received that with Asra’s deal._

_This isn’t about Asra. This is about me. What **I** lost. What I **feel** I lost._

_And what is it that you lost, (Y/N)? Your memories? Your life?_

(Y/N) shook his head. _I don’t care to recover every second of my previous life…just the ones that made me, **me**._

_You believe you’ve changed? You need not fear change, (Y/N). All things must come to an end. Beauty lies **in** the transition._

He was silent in the answer, knowing the Arcana had a point, and yet…he was still dissatisfied.

_I ask again, (Y/N). What is it that you lost?_

(Y/N) stared at the card. _I lost **me**. I have dreams of my life before. **Before** I met Asra. Flashes of life-or-death fights, battlemages and war, bounties and clinking coin pouches, pain and training. _He swallowed thickly. _I lost where I came from, who I was, and I want to recover **that**._

This time, it was Death who was quiet, then they spoke softly. _In some ways, you already have regained your memories of it. Every time you wield a blade in self-defense though Asra has never taught you. Your body is new, not as skilled as it once was. But skill like yours never really go away, even with a new existence. **Your soul remembers**._

He thought for a moment, then asked, _I’ve been to the Magician’s realm and the Devil’s—can I get to yours?_

Death answered with a single question. _Why?_

_Because your realm guides the dead. If my soul is to truly remember—whatever I’m seeking, I’ll find in your realm._

The Arcana was silent for a moment. _And will you take Asra with you?_

(Y/N) winced and risked a glance towards the staircase leading to their bedroom. _No…I have to do this on my own._

_Then be swift. The choice you make tonight will change it all._ And that was the last thing the card said to him.

He picked up the cards and slid them back into the deck before setting them aside, laying his head on the worn table. As the resignation washed over him, so did the dual feelings of worry and shame. Asra kept secrets from (Y/N) because he was scared he’d hurt (Y/N). But (Y/N) was doing it out of a selfish desire to recover some part of him that was long gone. Selfish as it was though, he believed it was something he had to do. And with a bitter taste in his mouth, he rose from his seat and made his way to the stairs, quietly climbing them to their bedroom.

*******

Faust had a sixth sense when it came to movement of others, and (Y/N) wasn’t surprised when she lifted her head from Asra’s pillow to blink at him as he placed a bag on the bed and opened it.

_Trip?_

(Y/N) paused as he was stowing a few pairs of underclothes and frowned. _Sorry Faust._ He thought. _Not right now._

_Going where?_

He shook his head. _I can’t tell you._ He knew he should’ve said something else because if she could’ve smiled, she would’ve as she looped around Asra’s hand and squeezed.

_Tell him!_

_Wait Faust! No! Don’t—_

It was too late as the magician stirred from his sleep and raised his head, blinking blearily at (Y/N).

“(Y/N)?” he murmured; voice laced thickly with sleep. “Are you okay?”

He sighed. “I’m fine Asra. Go back to sleep.”

Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen as the magician’s lavender eyes began to clear and he saw the bag on (Y/N)’s side of the bed.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t even know what to tell Asra, and he turned, pulling open one of the drawers to their armoire, pulling out a few shirts.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it.”

The sheets rustled behind him. “Where are you going, (Y/N)?” Asra sounded a lot more serious this time, but his voice held a twinge of concern.

“I—” he started, then turned and tucked the shirts into his pack. “I can’t tell you.”

Asra started, grabbing hold of his wrists. “(Y/N), _please_ , you’re worrying me.”

(Y/N) shook his head and smiled best he could, hoping it would ease the concern. “You don’t have to worry Asra, I know what I’m doing.”

The magician’s ivory brows furrowed. “Then tell me where you’re going.”

“I can’t.”

“Then I’m coming with you.” He let go of (Y/N)’s wrists and started yanking the covers away when the man beside him knelt on the bed and took Asra’s face in his hands.

“Asra, _no_.” (Y/N) cupped his cheeks. “I have to do this _alone_.”

The magician frowned. “We promised to do things together now.”

“I know we did,” he responded sadly.

“Then you’ll let me come with you?” Asra asked, daring to have a bit of hope.

(Y/N) gazed into his eyes and pulled the magic to his fingertips, gently caressing the side of Asra’s face.

“ _I’ll come home soon_. _I promise_.” Before Asra could even open his mouth to argue, a pale blue light lit up where (Y/N)’s fingers touched his skin, and his eyes drooped as he collapsed into (Y/N)’s arms, sound asleep.

(Y/N) heaved a sigh and rested him back on the bed, pulling the covers up to Asra’s chin. He busied himself with the rest of packing, and when he was done, he looked down at Faust who was staring back at him.

_Not going with you?_ she asked.

He shook his head. “Next time, pretty girl.” (Y/N) reached out and scratched under her chin. “Tell him I love him when he wakes up, okay? And that I’ll be back soon.”

_Okay!_ She replied and before curling up under Asra’s chin, she met his gaze. _Be safe!_

(Y/n) smiled at her. “I will. Promise.” He held out his pinky, watching as she curled her tail around it. “Pinky promise.”

_Tail promise!_

Chuckling, he pulled away and leaned over, pressing a single kiss to Asra’s forehead. As he pulled away, he whispered, “I’ll be home before you know it.”

And with that, he was gone.


	2. But There's Gold In The Dirt, I Never Took The Time To See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two! Enjoy! -Thorne

Muriel wasn’t happy to see him when he opened the door. But to be completely honest, Muriel wasn’t happy to open the door for anybody, especially if they were uninvited. He knew he should’ve gone straight to the fountain and into the Arcane realms, but the longer he thought about it, the more he realized he needed help getting there and using the fountain risked meeting Asra’s parents or Nadia. That being said, the need to tell at least somebody where he was going kept lodging itself in his chest and finally, he relented into telling Muriel. And now that he thought about it, telling Asra’s best friend didn’t seem like the best option, but he was too far from the palace to tell anyone else. All things considered, Muriel’s magic was the strongest at the mountain top; if he could convince him to open a portal there, he’d have a better chance of reaching Death’s realm rather than having to trudge through the other Arcana’s, or worse, ending up somewhere much more dangerous than a higher beings’ realm. But first he had to coerce Muriel into leaving his hut.

** *** **

(Y/N) stared up at Muriel with a kind smile. “Good morning Muriel.”

The gentle giant merely regarded him with a low grunt, evidence of sleep in his eyes showing as he blinked blearily.

“What are you doing here?” he murmured, then swept his gaze over the leather duffle bag on (Y/N)’s shoulder.

He was hesitant to mention anything specific. The less he said on what he was planning, the less people he had worrying about what he was doing. He shrugged the bag higher up onto his shoulder, idly toying with one of the buttons on his coat. “I—uh—need your help Muriel.”

The man looked over (Y/N)’s shoulder then stuck his neck out a bit to look the other direction. “Where’s Asra?” he suddenly questioned and (Y/N) sighed.

“He’s back at the shop asleep.” Meeting the man’s green eyes, he admitted, “And I need it to stay that way.” Before the other could speak, he added, “I need your help to open a portal at the top of the mountain so I can get to the other side.”

For a moment, Muriel didn’t say anything, but the way his eyes widened ever so slightly told (Y/N) all he wanted to say.

They stared at each other, then (Y/N) implored, “ _Please_ Muriel, I need your help to do this because I can’t do it on my own. I need another person to hold it open while I go through it.”

“Asra doesn’t know?”

“No…and he _can’t_ know where I’m going either.” He gazed at Muriel. “Will you help me? _Please_?”

After a long moment, Muriel sighed and reached for the cloak hanging beside his door. Shrugging it on, he muttered, “I don’t like hiding things from Asra.”

(Y/N) stepped back and let the man come out, Inanna silently trotting after him. “And I don’t like asking you to.” He placed his gloved hand on Muriel’s arm and assured, “But I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.” 

“I…understand.” And that was all Muriel said before pulling away, leaving (Y/N) to follow him and the black wolf.

** *** **

The top of the mountain was always made (Y/N) shiver, the crackling of electricity sounding in his ears every time he twitched his fingers. His magic seemed potent at this range, like he could cast a lighting storm with a mere flick. It unnerved him as much as it did exhilarate.

Sighing quietly, he cast his eyes towards Muriel’s back, watching as the man swept away loose dirt and leaves from circle in the center of the large dark stones. (Y/N) never had the chance to examine them as closely as he wanted to, given that the last time he was here, they were trying to find the Magician because Lucio was wandering around—being completely honest, he didn’t miss it. But now, he had the chance to get a closer look.

The six stones were spread a fair distance around the circle, at least a span of seven and a half feet between each one. Every stone was evenly shaped, standing at about nine feet. (Y/N) was by no means a small man, he stood just a foot shorter than Julian, and while Muriel had them both beat at six foot ten, even these stones towered _over_ him. It gave him a terrible mental image of being squashed by one. (Y/N) ran his fingers up the side, feeling the sharp electric pop under his touch. He scrutinized the stone for a moment.

“Are these lodestones?” he inquired, turning to catch Muriel’s attention.

The man hummed in response. “Good for rune casting.”

“Good for attracting _lightning_ is what they’re for,” he countered, hiding a smirk when Muriel shot a glare at him. He cracked his neck. “Are you ready to begin?”

Muriel nodded and took a stand in front of him. “I’ll watch you why you’re there.”

(Y/N) stilled for a second then coolly stated, “I’m not staying out here Muriel. I’m going in there.”

The neutral mask that usually resided on Muriel’s face fell away to unabashed shock. “ _What_?”

He didn’t have time to open that can of worms. “I’m going into the Arcane realms Muriel.”

“That’s _not_ safe. It’s _dangerous_ to take your body with you.”

(Y/N) nodded. “I know. But it’s what I have to do.”

“And that is?”

He glanced at Muriel and shifted, gathering the magic into his palms. “Can’t tell you that.” He nodded at him. “I’ll open it, but I need you to keep it open long enough for me to get inside. Can you do it?”

Muriel grunted. “Just cast.”

(Y/N) snorted and brought his palms together, feeling the energy shifting rapidly. Lightning ignited across the darkened sky and thunder rumbled in their ears, static crawling along their arms and backs. He felt the thread snap in the back of his mind and with all the strength he had, (Y/N) shoved his hands out in front of his body, then away to his sides, the ominous swirling gate exploding before him. 

“Muriel!” he called, and a wave of reassuring energy washed over his shoulders, signaling that the man was holding the gate steady. (Y/N) lowered his hands and stepped up to the gate. “I’m going through.” He was sure Muriel could barely hear him over the reverberating pulsing of the portal.

“Good luck,” he heard as he took a step, and all he remembered was walking off solid ground and falling downwards into darkness.


	3. But I Knew Of Its Worth When You Walked Beside Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're liking it so far! Enjoy! -Thorne

He watched the boy shift his weight between his feet, eyes darting around far too fast to be a simple scope of his surroundings. Both actions were tell-tale signs that of nervousness, and that anxiety multiplied when Master Dralis laid a hand on his shoulder, shoving him just enough for him to stumble in front of the group of mercenaries. A couple of them snickered, he and the others merely stared at him as he righted himself, a smudge of pink dusted across his pale cheeks.

“Everyone,” Master Dralis started, silencing the laughter. “This is Avisarion, he’s come from Vesuvia and he’ll be training with us from now on.” He eyed the group leaders in the crowd. “Who wants to take him?”

For a moment, no one said a word, everyone seeming to avert their gazes from the boy. He knew why. No one wanted fresh blood. That required training and hours’ worth of schooling to be competent enough to fit in with a squad, and no one had that time—especially not the leaders of the squads. So, when Master Dralis met his eyes, he offered a silent nod, watching as the older man pushed Avisarion towards him.

“(Y/N)’s group will take you for now, boy.” He glanced at the large group. “Dismissed.”

The mercenaries filed out of the room, some of them giving Avisarion harsh glares that made him frown.

“Don’t mind them,” (Y/N) muttered as he stepped forward, holding out his hand to shake. “They’re just a bit standoffish.”

The words were the first kind ones the boy had heard since he came to the castle, other than Master Dralis, and he almost burst into tears as he shook (Y/N)’s hand.

“How old are you?” (Y/N) asked with a scrutinizing look.

“Fifteen,” Avisarion murmured. “I just turned fifteen last week.”

“We’re the same age then.” He looked at Master Dralis. “Permission to take him to the blacksmith for fitting, sir?”

Master Dralis nodded. “Granted. And make sure you report to Marisa for your next assignment, (Y/N). You’ve sat on your ass long enough.”

He grinned and with a glance to the boy, he said, “Follow me.”

Avisarion was quick to obey, and as fast as (Y/N) was moving, he was glad he did. He noted the way the mercenaries in the hallway glared at him, and risking the noting, he stated, “The others around here don’t seem to like me.”

“Do you have family back in Vesuvia?”

“I—yes, yes I do,” he answered in confusion. “An aunt who runs an apothecary.”

(Y/N) nodded. “There’s your reason.”

“I…don’t follow?”

He held the door for Avisarion and tipped his head, urging him inside. “Fourth-fifths of the mercenaries in this castle are orphans, taken from the streets of various cities.” Closing the door after him, he added, “When we get a recruit that has family, it tends to make them bitter when they remember they don’t have one themselves.”

“Oh.” Avisarion murmured, standing near one of the tables that had leather armor on it. “I didn’t know.”

(Y/N) shrugged. “You learn.” He looked around the room for the blacksmith. “Perrian, we’ve got a new recruit to fit armor with.”

The man waved him off and he met Avisarion’s eyes. “I’m going to report to Marisa for my assignment, then I’ll come back to show you around.” He nodded at the old man coming over. “Perrian will take care of you. Answer his questions honestly and with the best skill you can.”

(Y/N) could tell he was scared, and he remembered his own beginning at the castle. He placed a hand on Avisarion’s shoulder and though he smiled, he opted to give him the words truthfully.

“Life isn’t going to be easy from here on out. I’ve no doubt the others will try to hark on you because your new blood.” Avisarion’s face fell, and he squeezed his shoulder. “But you’re on my squad.” He smiled. “We take care of our own, so don’t worry so much.”

Avisarion gave him a relived look and he pulled away and headed for the door. “Welcome to the Shadowguards.”

*******

Coldness startled (Y/N) awake; he jerked his head up, eyes snapping open, gaze darting wildly around his surroundings. Tall, dark trees stood silent around him, and the ground was covered in a thick blanket of snow. He had no idea where he was, but that wasn’t the most concerning thing; it was absolutely freezing. As if he’d suddenly realized so, (Y/N) clambered to his feet, pulling his duffle bag back over his shoulder. He was glad that he’d taken his heavy coat with him though as he shoved his hands in his pockets for warmth.

He glanced in another direction, but it was still the same sight—stillness in snow. No birds singing, no small critters hunting for grubs, not even a deer or an elk scavenging for food in the dirt. It was just (Y/N), alone in this vast expanse of snowfield.

His breath came in puffs of white clouds and reached up, rubbing at his eyes. Whatever he’d been dreaming about still lingered in his mind, but he couldn’t make out what it was. His best guess was probably a memory and while he was happy to start the journey, he didn’t even know what the supposed Shadowguards were, or who Avisarion was. (Y/N) hadn’t heard of either name, even after coming back to life, and Asra had never mentioned them neither. Whoever they were, they were only known to him.

A sudden grumbling echoed in his ears and he cursed, placing a hand to his stomach. For a brief moment he considered giving in to his hunger, but he ignored it. _I need to find shelter first._ He spun in a circle. _But I don’t even know which way to go._ Sighing, he shut his eyes and held out his hand, ignoring how his fingers seemed to numb when exposed to the frigid air. (Y/N) took a deep breath and relaxed, letting his magic ebb out. He wasn’t searching for anything specific, just a small enough twitch in the web so that he would know which way to head. Just his luck, when he opened his eyes a few moments later, he’d hit nothing.

“ _Shit_ ,” he grunted and took one last look around before resigning himself to his fate of wandering around a frozen wasteland until he froze like an ice-cube. His first step almost made him fall on his ass when his foot sunk into a foot and a half of snow. (Y/N) took a calming breath to avoid yelling in frustration, but he did grumble as he freed himself and kept moving.

He wandered through the snow for almost two whole hours before he came to the edge of the tree line, but his relief was short-lived as the expanse shifted before him, and suddenly he was staring at another forest of dead trees.

(Y/N) looked up at the darkened sky above him. “ _Seriously_!” he shouted, throwing his hands in the air. “C’mon! Gimme a break!”

A twinkling sounded behind him and he spun, hand reaching for the dirk at his side, but his heart leapt into his throat at the sight before him. A creature, almost as big as the lodestones back in Vesuvia stood just a few feet away, a sharp scythe in its grasp. Its body was elongated and skeletal, the color of the starless night sky, but the thing that sent shivers up his spine, other than the giant blade it wielded, were the glowing auburn eyes that peered at him from the ivory skull, that of a horse.

Adrenaline soared through (Y/N) fought viciously with the urge to keep his feet below him and not collapse on weak knees. His fingers curled around the hilt of the dirk and he took a half step back, steadying himself in case the creature attacked. He had to play this carefully. He had no idea what magic it had and the scythe it carried was almost as big as it was. If he wasn’t cautious, he was either going to be blown away by some eldritch blast or bisected. _Maybe if he could get behind it, he could daze it with a blast? Maybe try a faint from the front? Maybe go to—_

“You think quite a lot about battle strategy, (Y/N).” He blinked, jaw dropping in shock. The creature cocked its head. “Are you well?”

His mouth snapped open and shut until he blurted out, “You know me?”

The creature laughed, and (Y/N) ignored the fact that it didn’t have any vocal cords to make such a noise.

“We’ve spoken many times, (Y/N). Past _and_ present,” it explained, and (Y/N)’s eyes went wide.

“You’re Death.”

Death tipped its head down. “It has been some time since you travelled to my realm, (Y/N). The last time you did was many, _many_ years ago.” Its glowing eyes narrowed in something he recognized as kindness, “Shall we go someplace warmer? It’s been so long since I interacted with humans. I do remember that your fleshy sacks get cold so easily.”

(Y/N) could only nod in stunned silence as Death waved a hand, and the scenery changed around them. He was pleasantly surprised to see the features of the back room from shop come into view, but even more so that it was no longer freezing. Warmth seeped into his bones and he sunk into one of the plush cushions, dropping the duffle bag behind him.

“Make yourself at home, (Y/N),” Death suggested. “This place is assuring to you, is it not?”

(Y/N) sighed with content. “It is.”

He watched as the Arcana took a seat across from him, the scythe disappearing in a whisp of smoke. They placed their hands on the table, dark boney fingers clacking as they interlocked in a neat hold. Their auburn eyes stared into his, as if gazing deep into his soul, and though he felt like he should feel unnerved, he didn’t. In fact, he felt…comfortable.

(Y/N) looked at them. “Why didn’t you come earlier?”

Death merely stared. “I was observing. Learning. Remembering you.”

“You know me well then?”

Death hummed. “Very.”


End file.
